How to Be a Happy Single Woman

There is something you must do in order to survive the loneliness of not having a boyfriend. First of all, you have to have good friends. I don’t mean the fair-weathered sorts who are only around when the party is on, although we all have a few of those. The difference is, knowing your good friends from your fair-weathered friends and treating them appropriately.
The good ones are usually girl friends. I do have that rare guy friend who can actually hang out with you without, at some point, wanting to have sex (we will get into this discussion in a bit).

Good Girlfriends are a Blessing From Heaven

They don’t judge you if you get drunk and take off your clothes, go out with a complete dick or just plain have a bad day. They listen to you when you’re in high drama mode and won’t hang up on you when you’re acting like a crazy, fucking idiot.
The way to tell the difference is to ask yourself: “If I was thrown in jail, would I be able to call this person to bail me out?” This will weed out the women from the girls. If the answer is no, put them in your fair-weathered file and leave them there until the next party.
In other words, good friends will always have your back.

Exhibit A:

Here’s a great example. The other night, a friend of mine was at a party with me and she suddenly got really drunk. She was staggering and slurring. Fortunately, we were able to abscond with her immediately, stuff her in the backseat of my car and get her to my house, where she promptly puked in my driveway. After several rounds of puking in my guest bathroom, we put her to bed. I made her a special mammoth ibuprofen and Pepto Bismol cocktail before she passed out cold.
The next morning, over coffee, she was not even embarrassed. You know why? Because she knows we are on the good friends list.
As I deftly cleaned puke off my driveway that morning (and, let me tell you, it was not pretty. Some sort of rust-colored shit that was stubborn. Geezus, what was she drinking? Battery acid?), I was not even annoyed – not one bit. I know that if I had been the one puking, I could count on her to return the favor.

Straight Guy “Friends”

Let’s talk about guy friends for a minute. Guy friends will make you THINK they are like girlfriends if they want to sleep with you. This can, at times, be confusing because they appear at first to be worthy of good friends status, as you can ask yourself the bail question and the answer is unequivocally yes! But, buyer BEWARE there is always a price. You will eventually have to have sex with this person. And let’s face it, you don’t want to have sex because they are not attractive, otherwise, you’d be dating them, right?
These guys sneak up on you. They do a nice favor for you like putting gas in your car, picking up groceries or giving you a ride when your car breaks down. Unfortunately, they are looking to get laid at some point and that is the problem with accepting favors.

To Accept or Reject a “Free” drink

I never accept a free drink from a stange dude at a bar. You don’t want to do it because you will end up having to actually acknowledge this person, talk to him or, in more extreme cases, give him your phone number – DON’T DO IT!! Politely say, “no thanks” and walk away.

We will explore this subject in my next blog, where I will take a closer look at the whole Sugar Daddy phenom. Stay tuned, ladies!